-twilight
-eclipe
-new moon
Foreign
-little big soldier
Friday, December 30, 2011
My role models
male: Freddie Prinze Jr. and Abraham Lincoln
female: Charlize Theron and Pink
some quotes
It is true that heroes are inspiring, but must not they also do some rescuing if they are to be worthy of their name? Would Wonder Woman matter if she only sent commiserating telegrams to the distressed?
- Jeanette Winterson
I believe in recovery, and I believe that as a role model I have the responsibility to let young people know that you can make a mistake and come back from it.
- Ann Richards
People never improve unless they look to some standard or example higher and better than themselves.
- Tyron Edwards
As it is our nature to be more moved by hope than fear, the example of one we see abundantly rewarded cheers and encourages us far more than the sight of many who have not been well treated disquiets us.
- Francesco Guicciardini
Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the great make you feel that you, too, can become great.
- Mark Twain
To be ignorant of the lives of the most celebrated men of antiquity is to continue in a state of childhood.
- Plutarch
People seldom improve when they have no other model but themselves to copy.
- Oliver Goldsmith
As you get older it is harder to have heroes, but it is sort of necessary.
- Ernest Hemingway
Very few men are wise by their own counsel, or learned by their own teaching. For he that was only taught by himself had a fool for his master.
- Ben Johnson
Call the roll in your memory of conspicuously successful business giants and ... you will be struck by the fact that almost every one of them encountered inordinate difficulties sufficient to crush all but the gamest of spirits. Edison went hungry many times before he became famous.
- B. C. Forbes
female: Charlize Theron and Pink
some quotes
It is true that heroes are inspiring, but must not they also do some rescuing if they are to be worthy of their name? Would Wonder Woman matter if she only sent commiserating telegrams to the distressed?
- Jeanette Winterson
I believe in recovery, and I believe that as a role model I have the responsibility to let young people know that you can make a mistake and come back from it.
- Ann Richards
People never improve unless they look to some standard or example higher and better than themselves.
- Tyron Edwards
As it is our nature to be more moved by hope than fear, the example of one we see abundantly rewarded cheers and encourages us far more than the sight of many who have not been well treated disquiets us.
- Francesco Guicciardini
Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the great make you feel that you, too, can become great.
- Mark Twain
To be ignorant of the lives of the most celebrated men of antiquity is to continue in a state of childhood.
- Plutarch
People seldom improve when they have no other model but themselves to copy.
- Oliver Goldsmith
As you get older it is harder to have heroes, but it is sort of necessary.
- Ernest Hemingway
Very few men are wise by their own counsel, or learned by their own teaching. For he that was only taught by himself had a fool for his master.
- Ben Johnson
Call the roll in your memory of conspicuously successful business giants and ... you will be struck by the fact that almost every one of them encountered inordinate difficulties sufficient to crush all but the gamest of spirits. Edison went hungry many times before he became famous.
- B. C. Forbes
Saturday, December 17, 2011
Overcoming as HSP
credit to its rightful owner
Learning To Thrive: What You Need
accumulated years of training in trying overcome the trait because you don't fit in with society. And yet being Highly Sensitive is a vital part of you.
• How to make decisions rationally rather than emotionally
• How to ask for what you truly want, and how to say "no" to what you don't want in your life
• How to effectively handle relationships, both with other HSPs and non-HSPs, including family, co-workers, and romantic relationships
• How to improve your communication skills — how to negotiate with love, rather than intimidate with fear or seduce with guilt
regular self-care, meaningful work, and supportive relationships. Working with a sensitive coach or therapist who helps you tune into your own magnificent inner guidance system your sensitivity is a powerful means of support.
learning how to stay centered in a stressful, highly emotionally charged world.
Since emotions such as fear, anger, and frustration are energies, you can potentially “catch” them from people without realizing it.
If you tend to be an emotional sponge, it’s vital to know how to avoid taking on an individual’s negative emotions or the free-floating kind in crowds.
Another twist is that chronic anxiety, depression, or stress can turn you into an emotional sponge by wearing down your defenses. Suddenly, you become hyper-attuned to others, especially those with similar pain.
I always felt overwhelmed, exhausted around large groups of people, though I was clueless why. “What’s the matter with you?” friends would say, shooting me the weirdest looks. All I knew was that crowded places and I just didn’t mix. I need about 5 hours alone time to every 2 hours spent out in the world.
I’d go there feeling just fine but leave nervous, depressed, or with some horrible new ache or pain. Unsuspectingly, I was a gigantic sponge, absorbing the emotions of people around me.
suffer from chronic fatigue. It’s likely that many of them are emotional sponges.
the best we can do is to try to keep up with things or handle whichever is most urgent at the moment. These streams of events then shape our lifestyles and, as a result, the time-consuming and energy-draining impact of our fast-paced culture goes ignored or unnoticed.
more overwhelmed, paralyzed and energy drained than most people because of our sensitivity.
we may feel so bombarded with these outside influences that we feel like we have no options, can see no options, even forgetting that options exist. Then we feel that we are stuck in whatever situation we may find ourselves, immobilized and depressed. We may even forget to breathe deeply enough for our body to function optimally.
Instead, we express our unconscious fears that say "be thankful for what you have", "this relationship is better than no relationship", or "this job is an improvement over the last job I had."
"There is a reason this person is in my life," or "I have this boss, these parents, children because it is an opportunity to grow or to learn something." Or how about, "I am building soul strength, releasing karma, or going through a spiritual initiation that is taking me several lifetimes."
this kind of evaluation can be very helpful after one is no longer stuck in a situation. It is totally possible to be going through a soul transformation that needs time to cook long enough before the person can come out of the stew pot. In this kind of process, infinite patience is required while the soul restructures or reorganizes itself.
Sensitive people in particular are very much in tune with other people's feelings. Consequently we are very adept at imagining how painful it would be to them if we asked for what we really would like. Rather than risk hurting anyone, giving what has been expected of us all these years has, in a sense, been a much more peaceful approach.
"No one has ever been disappointed with me, not even myself." You may have created the perfect home, family or social position that everyone admires, but inside you are just plain tired from all this effort in behalf of everybody else.
staying stuck is actually a way of feeling secure or comfortable
If we are avoiding conflict, we simply create more inner conflict because our truth isn't spoken or expressed.
Highly Sensitive People and Shame
Shame can be seen in you when you want to hide, disappear, or even say you want to die, as if you are a thoroughly bad person. You hang your head or hunch down, sagging your shoulders. You can’t look anyone in the eye. Why? You believe you are rotten to the core. No one should want to be around you.
serve to keep us in good standing within a group, punishing us brutally for the slightest imagined wrong doing.
Guilt is milder in that you feel you have done something bad, not that you are bad.
It may seem that you can fix it or hope to be forgiven. Even if not, guilt does not have that sense of finality. Which you feel depends on the situation--most of us feel shame, not guilt, if we vomit in public for example.
being careful, observing before acting.
conscientious anyway, do not want to hurt others, and can see ahead to the long-term consequences of what we do. In short, we come wired to sense better what might evoke shame and inhibit whatever impulse we might have that would lead to it.
How We All Avoid Shame, at All Costs
Because shame is so painful, people rarely feel it, even HSPs.
Sometimes we blame others: “I didn’t do anything wrong--he was wrong.” Or people minimize their role: “I wasn’t really trying” or “that wasn’t really part of my responsibilities.” They claim not to care: “I just don’t give a damn what other people think.” Or they make themselves seem above shame: “That really does not apply to me--I’m beyond all that,” although that may require someone else feeling inferior: “I can’t believe you are so upset by this.”
HSPs can use all of these self-protections, but I think we resort more to avoiding the need for these tactics by not doing anything shameful in the first place. We adapt to what others want. We try to be perfect, make no errors, are always generous. We overachieve so that no one can say we haven’t tried or succeeded.
Alas, this carefulness often leads to very constricted lives. We hardly realize it because at least we are not feeling bad due to shame. We are also not being spontaneous, genuinely warm and loving, or much of anything else. We are not reaching out for what makes us happy, or even remembering what makes us happy. But at least we are not feeling ashamed, until we realize this and then feel ashamed of this too.
So Many Reasons to Feel Ashamed
• Looking different, including dressing wrong or strangely.
• Not conforming, being out of step.
• Being personally rejected as a friend or from a group for your personality or style.
• Being defeated or failing.
• Being “overly” enthusiastic and then being “shot down.”
• Misjudging a situation by being too informal.
• Being “overly” emotional (“don’t be a cry baby; you take things too “personally”).
• Being “too” suggestible (“It’s all in your head” or “why did you listen to him?”)
• Being “too” stressed (“Can’t you just relax?”).
• Looking foolish, awkward, or lacking confidence.
• Lying, stealing, or betraying another.
• Injuring another.
• Not controlling a bodily function or impulse, from failing to use the toilet to not picking your nose.
• Being addicted.
• Being sexually betrayed by a lover or spouse.
• Not trying hard enough, being lazy.
• Not being brave (whatever that meant to those around you).
What Do You Do About Shame?
Empower yourself. Conquer your fears. Love yourself. Have higher self-esteem. Stop being self-conscious. Get over shyness. And when you can’t do it, guess what? You feel ashamed.
good place to begin overcoming unnecessary shame is to think about it, hard. Uncover it in yourself, free of all of your ways of avoiding it. When did you first feel deep shame? The very first time you remember? Often that is what you still feel most fearful of doing. Think about when you felt it most strongly and who made you feel it. What was most shameful in your family, among your friends, and right now among the people you know?
What emotions seem most shameful to you--being sad or crying, being afraid or anxious, anger, enthusiasm, curiosity? Pride? Being depressed so that you “bring people down”? Or there may be others.
Then consider how you have set up your life to avoid doing these specific things. What parts of you have been turned off? Your animal self? Your funny self? The part of you that knows what makes you happy? The part of you that sets boundaries and says “I’ve had enough of this”?
Another thing to consider is whether you are free of shame when you are alone. If not, try being in nature and thinking about your animal self and its impulses. Think of other animals. When they do what you feel ashamed of, do you find their behavior shameful? Can you accept that you do have instincts, and even if you decide to suppress them, they are not bad?
Talk about the general feeling of shame with others. Often we each feel that only we are truly, truly bad. But if we all feel it, most of us must be wrong.
more conscious of shame and how unreasonable it often is, or conditioned by a culture that wants certain things out of us. As we grow older and wiser, maybe we can give the culture, the groups we live in, and all of those imagined critics from the past most of what they expect from us, but without quite so much sacrifice of our souls.
This hyper-awareness to their environment makes HSPs cautious. Any kind of change can be difficult. They are not known for their rush actions. They foresee the consequences of words and actions. HSPs can feel happy in their hearts on a joyous occasion but are unable to express it. They are seen as inhibited or unsociable. They do not like social situations and prefer having deep intimate conversations with someone one on one.
Rather than forcing themselves to fit in and be more outgoing, HSPs need to learn to appreciate their sensitivity in less stimulating ways. Developing boundaries for safety and comfort becomes important. If they are sensitive to bright fluorescent lights, chemical odors or certain kinds of people, HSPs need to use their creativity to find ways to avoid such stimuli.
HSPs often try to hide themselves. They rarely appreciate that many other people also have these same traits. Sharing quiet meals and talking about spiritual matters can become intimacy heaven. Accepting that they really do enjoy long walks in nature, rather than tennis matches, alleviates stress.
Their tendency towards withdrawal presents unique difficulties in relationships. HSPs turn inwards for protection against what they are experiencing. Relationships of mutual respect provide a safe, consistent haven of acceptance. HSPs must be wary of being people-pleasers. A lack of self-esteem can turn into a habit of satisfying the needs of the other person. They can end up feeling overwhelmed and alone in a relationship they cannot let go of.
A sensitive person's ability to pick up subtle cues and ambivalence in the unconscious processes of the other can affect communication in relationships. Even though they can tune into what is going on, they either can't say it, or they blurt out a negative judgment. At these times, they are acting out their own past experiences of being humiliated for their sensitivities. The way out of this dilemma is to become more conscious of their habitual reactions and to take more time out to be alone. They need partners to accept this strategy. They may require an entire night's sleep to be clear enough to express how they feel about an issue.
HSPs appreciate intimacy. They actually prefer talking about their feelings and spirituality but often believe no one else is interested. An open and sharing relationship - preferably with another HSP - can be of great benefit in providing awareness of what does and doesn't work. This applies to both the spiritual-social areas and the physical body.
Entertainment and excitement is not what holds a sensitive relationship together. HSPs are more interested in deepening their self-awareness and never become bored of listening to their partner's dreams. A sensitive partner will notice subtle changes in the other's mood or behavior.
Stimulating substances such as alcohol, coffee, sugar and junk food can be highly toxic to an HSP. Diets need to be tailor-made and regularly modified. There are no right diets that sensitive people can follow permanently. Their level of sensitivity is anything but static and rigid. It requires a change in attitude to accept the fascinating refinement process continually being experienced by their body/mind/spirit. Generally, simple, frequent meals work best.
Maybe you have a spiritual consciousness. You may enjoy being alone but you may have also felt like a loner or an outsider. As with many of us you may consider yourself to be quiet, shy or timid. Possibly you see yourself as introverted or uncomfortable in social situations. There are also socially extroverted individuals who find it hard to fully acknowledge their sensitivity traits.
You have tried to be strong, aggressive or always up and out there, but it never seems to work the way it does for other people. Your intuition tells you that you are self-responsible, and that you seem to know as much as the others do most of the time. Although others see you as reserved, deep inside you have a capacity to care passionately about people and the planet.
Learning To Thrive: What You Need
accumulated years of training in trying overcome the trait because you don't fit in with society. And yet being Highly Sensitive is a vital part of you.
• How to make decisions rationally rather than emotionally
• How to ask for what you truly want, and how to say "no" to what you don't want in your life
• How to effectively handle relationships, both with other HSPs and non-HSPs, including family, co-workers, and romantic relationships
• How to improve your communication skills — how to negotiate with love, rather than intimidate with fear or seduce with guilt
regular self-care, meaningful work, and supportive relationships. Working with a sensitive coach or therapist who helps you tune into your own magnificent inner guidance system your sensitivity is a powerful means of support.
learning how to stay centered in a stressful, highly emotionally charged world.
Since emotions such as fear, anger, and frustration are energies, you can potentially “catch” them from people without realizing it.
If you tend to be an emotional sponge, it’s vital to know how to avoid taking on an individual’s negative emotions or the free-floating kind in crowds.
Another twist is that chronic anxiety, depression, or stress can turn you into an emotional sponge by wearing down your defenses. Suddenly, you become hyper-attuned to others, especially those with similar pain.
I always felt overwhelmed, exhausted around large groups of people, though I was clueless why. “What’s the matter with you?” friends would say, shooting me the weirdest looks. All I knew was that crowded places and I just didn’t mix. I need about 5 hours alone time to every 2 hours spent out in the world.
I’d go there feeling just fine but leave nervous, depressed, or with some horrible new ache or pain. Unsuspectingly, I was a gigantic sponge, absorbing the emotions of people around me.
suffer from chronic fatigue. It’s likely that many of them are emotional sponges.
the best we can do is to try to keep up with things or handle whichever is most urgent at the moment. These streams of events then shape our lifestyles and, as a result, the time-consuming and energy-draining impact of our fast-paced culture goes ignored or unnoticed.
more overwhelmed, paralyzed and energy drained than most people because of our sensitivity.
we may feel so bombarded with these outside influences that we feel like we have no options, can see no options, even forgetting that options exist. Then we feel that we are stuck in whatever situation we may find ourselves, immobilized and depressed. We may even forget to breathe deeply enough for our body to function optimally.
Instead, we express our unconscious fears that say "be thankful for what you have", "this relationship is better than no relationship", or "this job is an improvement over the last job I had."
"There is a reason this person is in my life," or "I have this boss, these parents, children because it is an opportunity to grow or to learn something." Or how about, "I am building soul strength, releasing karma, or going through a spiritual initiation that is taking me several lifetimes."
this kind of evaluation can be very helpful after one is no longer stuck in a situation. It is totally possible to be going through a soul transformation that needs time to cook long enough before the person can come out of the stew pot. In this kind of process, infinite patience is required while the soul restructures or reorganizes itself.
Sensitive people in particular are very much in tune with other people's feelings. Consequently we are very adept at imagining how painful it would be to them if we asked for what we really would like. Rather than risk hurting anyone, giving what has been expected of us all these years has, in a sense, been a much more peaceful approach.
"No one has ever been disappointed with me, not even myself." You may have created the perfect home, family or social position that everyone admires, but inside you are just plain tired from all this effort in behalf of everybody else.
staying stuck is actually a way of feeling secure or comfortable
If we are avoiding conflict, we simply create more inner conflict because our truth isn't spoken or expressed.
Highly Sensitive People and Shame
Shame can be seen in you when you want to hide, disappear, or even say you want to die, as if you are a thoroughly bad person. You hang your head or hunch down, sagging your shoulders. You can’t look anyone in the eye. Why? You believe you are rotten to the core. No one should want to be around you.
serve to keep us in good standing within a group, punishing us brutally for the slightest imagined wrong doing.
Guilt is milder in that you feel you have done something bad, not that you are bad.
It may seem that you can fix it or hope to be forgiven. Even if not, guilt does not have that sense of finality. Which you feel depends on the situation--most of us feel shame, not guilt, if we vomit in public for example.
being careful, observing before acting.
conscientious anyway, do not want to hurt others, and can see ahead to the long-term consequences of what we do. In short, we come wired to sense better what might evoke shame and inhibit whatever impulse we might have that would lead to it.
How We All Avoid Shame, at All Costs
Because shame is so painful, people rarely feel it, even HSPs.
Sometimes we blame others: “I didn’t do anything wrong--he was wrong.” Or people minimize their role: “I wasn’t really trying” or “that wasn’t really part of my responsibilities.” They claim not to care: “I just don’t give a damn what other people think.” Or they make themselves seem above shame: “That really does not apply to me--I’m beyond all that,” although that may require someone else feeling inferior: “I can’t believe you are so upset by this.”
HSPs can use all of these self-protections, but I think we resort more to avoiding the need for these tactics by not doing anything shameful in the first place. We adapt to what others want. We try to be perfect, make no errors, are always generous. We overachieve so that no one can say we haven’t tried or succeeded.
Alas, this carefulness often leads to very constricted lives. We hardly realize it because at least we are not feeling bad due to shame. We are also not being spontaneous, genuinely warm and loving, or much of anything else. We are not reaching out for what makes us happy, or even remembering what makes us happy. But at least we are not feeling ashamed, until we realize this and then feel ashamed of this too.
So Many Reasons to Feel Ashamed
• Looking different, including dressing wrong or strangely.
• Not conforming, being out of step.
• Being personally rejected as a friend or from a group for your personality or style.
• Being defeated or failing.
• Being “overly” enthusiastic and then being “shot down.”
• Misjudging a situation by being too informal.
• Being “overly” emotional (“don’t be a cry baby; you take things too “personally”).
• Being “too” suggestible (“It’s all in your head” or “why did you listen to him?”)
• Being “too” stressed (“Can’t you just relax?”).
• Looking foolish, awkward, or lacking confidence.
• Lying, stealing, or betraying another.
• Injuring another.
• Not controlling a bodily function or impulse, from failing to use the toilet to not picking your nose.
• Being addicted.
• Being sexually betrayed by a lover or spouse.
• Not trying hard enough, being lazy.
• Not being brave (whatever that meant to those around you).
What Do You Do About Shame?
Empower yourself. Conquer your fears. Love yourself. Have higher self-esteem. Stop being self-conscious. Get over shyness. And when you can’t do it, guess what? You feel ashamed.
good place to begin overcoming unnecessary shame is to think about it, hard. Uncover it in yourself, free of all of your ways of avoiding it. When did you first feel deep shame? The very first time you remember? Often that is what you still feel most fearful of doing. Think about when you felt it most strongly and who made you feel it. What was most shameful in your family, among your friends, and right now among the people you know?
What emotions seem most shameful to you--being sad or crying, being afraid or anxious, anger, enthusiasm, curiosity? Pride? Being depressed so that you “bring people down”? Or there may be others.
Then consider how you have set up your life to avoid doing these specific things. What parts of you have been turned off? Your animal self? Your funny self? The part of you that knows what makes you happy? The part of you that sets boundaries and says “I’ve had enough of this”?
Another thing to consider is whether you are free of shame when you are alone. If not, try being in nature and thinking about your animal self and its impulses. Think of other animals. When they do what you feel ashamed of, do you find their behavior shameful? Can you accept that you do have instincts, and even if you decide to suppress them, they are not bad?
Talk about the general feeling of shame with others. Often we each feel that only we are truly, truly bad. But if we all feel it, most of us must be wrong.
more conscious of shame and how unreasonable it often is, or conditioned by a culture that wants certain things out of us. As we grow older and wiser, maybe we can give the culture, the groups we live in, and all of those imagined critics from the past most of what they expect from us, but without quite so much sacrifice of our souls.
This hyper-awareness to their environment makes HSPs cautious. Any kind of change can be difficult. They are not known for their rush actions. They foresee the consequences of words and actions. HSPs can feel happy in their hearts on a joyous occasion but are unable to express it. They are seen as inhibited or unsociable. They do not like social situations and prefer having deep intimate conversations with someone one on one.
Rather than forcing themselves to fit in and be more outgoing, HSPs need to learn to appreciate their sensitivity in less stimulating ways. Developing boundaries for safety and comfort becomes important. If they are sensitive to bright fluorescent lights, chemical odors or certain kinds of people, HSPs need to use their creativity to find ways to avoid such stimuli.
HSPs often try to hide themselves. They rarely appreciate that many other people also have these same traits. Sharing quiet meals and talking about spiritual matters can become intimacy heaven. Accepting that they really do enjoy long walks in nature, rather than tennis matches, alleviates stress.
Their tendency towards withdrawal presents unique difficulties in relationships. HSPs turn inwards for protection against what they are experiencing. Relationships of mutual respect provide a safe, consistent haven of acceptance. HSPs must be wary of being people-pleasers. A lack of self-esteem can turn into a habit of satisfying the needs of the other person. They can end up feeling overwhelmed and alone in a relationship they cannot let go of.
A sensitive person's ability to pick up subtle cues and ambivalence in the unconscious processes of the other can affect communication in relationships. Even though they can tune into what is going on, they either can't say it, or they blurt out a negative judgment. At these times, they are acting out their own past experiences of being humiliated for their sensitivities. The way out of this dilemma is to become more conscious of their habitual reactions and to take more time out to be alone. They need partners to accept this strategy. They may require an entire night's sleep to be clear enough to express how they feel about an issue.
HSPs appreciate intimacy. They actually prefer talking about their feelings and spirituality but often believe no one else is interested. An open and sharing relationship - preferably with another HSP - can be of great benefit in providing awareness of what does and doesn't work. This applies to both the spiritual-social areas and the physical body.
Entertainment and excitement is not what holds a sensitive relationship together. HSPs are more interested in deepening their self-awareness and never become bored of listening to their partner's dreams. A sensitive partner will notice subtle changes in the other's mood or behavior.
Stimulating substances such as alcohol, coffee, sugar and junk food can be highly toxic to an HSP. Diets need to be tailor-made and regularly modified. There are no right diets that sensitive people can follow permanently. Their level of sensitivity is anything but static and rigid. It requires a change in attitude to accept the fascinating refinement process continually being experienced by their body/mind/spirit. Generally, simple, frequent meals work best.
Maybe you have a spiritual consciousness. You may enjoy being alone but you may have also felt like a loner or an outsider. As with many of us you may consider yourself to be quiet, shy or timid. Possibly you see yourself as introverted or uncomfortable in social situations. There are also socially extroverted individuals who find it hard to fully acknowledge their sensitivity traits.
You have tried to be strong, aggressive or always up and out there, but it never seems to work the way it does for other people. Your intuition tells you that you are self-responsible, and that you seem to know as much as the others do most of the time. Although others see you as reserved, deep inside you have a capacity to care passionately about people and the planet.
HSP in more detail
credit to its rightful owners
Highly Sensitive People
freedom from having to hide their sensitive natures behind a veneer of hostility or self-assurance.
ability to pick up on subtleties that others might miss — a look, a feeling, a message embedded in a seemingly straightforward statement. "It's like they're wearing an extra pair of glasses," she says.
take longer to make decisions, need more time alone to think, and are generally more conscientious about things like remembering birthdays.
greater activity in areas of the brain concerned with high-order visual processing, with participants spending longer examining photographs given to them while they underwent the test, and in general paying closer attention to detail than non-HSPs.
HSPs might have been written off as shy or even neurotic, but Aron believes these labels are demeaning and inaccurate. Shyness, she says, is a learned response; HSPs are born with a heightened sensitivity meter.
feelings get hurt easily, and that this huge sector of the population is mistakenly being written off as weak and thin-skinned.
Certainly anxiety is a big component of the HSP's experience. According to experts, HSPs suffer from what is called sensory-processing sensitivity and are more susceptible than ordinary people to both internal and external stimuli. "They have an innate tendency to process things more carefully,"
"They tend to be aware of subtleties and are therefore easily overwhelmed by their feelings." An HSP doesn't just cry while watching a film like The Notebook — she experiences actual grief symptoms. She also reacts strongly to things such as noise and light, and is particularly sensitive to stimulants such as coffee.
Typically an HSP demonstrates greater caution and reluctance than the non-HSP population with things such as taking risks, trying new experiences, meeting new people, even venturing to unfamiliar places.
often intuitive and conscientious, the trait can come at a cost.
"I had trouble sleeping because I was always thinking about things. And because I was so sensitive to hurt, I closed off easily." As a result, her childhood was a lonely one. "I was never one of the gang," she says. Today, she acknowledges, her "brain is always looking for rejection." And, because she fears being "herself," relationships have proved difficult.
withdraw or attack. self-protection: minimizing, blaming, overachieving, inflating, projecting, and choosing not to compete.
All of these behaviors are defensive in nature and tend to exacerbate the condition further, as they often lead to an HSP's getting wounded twice — first when she feels the pain of a perceived slight (prompting her defensive response), and again when the other person responds aggressively to that reaction. "HSPs should carry a warning card,"
complex inner life and an active imagination. "Sensitive people ... may have suffered much pain (they were often of a delicate constitution) — but the damage to the inner self was less. How else to explain the paradox that prisoners of less hardy makeup were often able to survive life in the camps, whereas those of a more robust nature were not?"
tend to be creatively gifted, and that a large percentage have become famous because of their particular talents
being selective with our surroundings, minimizing stress, managing our nervous systems through things like yoga and exercise, and by carefully choosing whom we spend time with, HSPs can play to their strengths.
Cognitive behavioral therapy (where you challenge your negative thoughts with logic), as well as antidepressants, can also help. What's more, when an incident occurs that you find hurtful, Aron suggests clearing the air by sharing your reaction.
I take things personally, even things that others may not. intuitive to others' emotions and consider this one of my greatest strengths. inform those who you interact with most frequently to the fact that you're an HSP. How GREAT is it that we now are aware that it's due to the makeup of our brains and not just because we're big babies. no longer have to make excuses for my tears, need for sunglasses, and the crankiness I feel if I don't eat every 3 hours.
never really had any close friends. i find people to talk to, but we never stay close. and somehow i even manage to push them away. Antsy talkative tomboy girl. then when i started going to school, i remember being teased because of my frizzy hair and being left out of everything because i guess i was weird or something.
"dont take it to heart". its comforting what my parents say, but it still gets me down regardless, and it still keeps me up at night, what people said about me in elementary,all the way up to high school.
feel things intensely, which may cause some to suffer until they learn better coping skills. Sensitivity in itself isn't bad. However, if a sensitive person is raised in a home where it's not valued or it's belittled, then, yes, it can cause suffering until one realizes that sensitivity brings gifts.
pick up on verbal and nonverbal cues better than many. excellent memory. develop interpersonal skills
Because of my sensitivity and my appreciation for nonmaterial things, I have also found that I seem to be more content with life than many people I know.
As with many things in life, if one focuses on the positives of a situation, the negatives seem less or immaterial.
picked up from years of already feeling stigmatized and misunderstood.
personality trait we can learn to understand, manage, and appreciate.
You can't just "snap out" of being depressed and you can't snap out of being an HSP.
get therapy, see a psychologist, get on an antidepressant, exercise, be good to yourself, forgive yourself, pamper yourself.
These are not cures but they can bring relief. My favorite thing to do is read, and when fantastic articles like these are bursting through the pages of Marie Claire, reading will continue to bring relief from HSP symptoms.
gifts
Sensory detail
Nuances in meaning
Emotional awareness
Creativity
Greater empathy
Curses
Easily overwhelmed, over stimulated
Affected by emotions of others
Need lots of space and time to ourselves
Unhealthy perfectionism
Living out of sync with our culture
Holding back
“too many” highly sensitive children and adults “whose depression, anxiety, and low self-esteem prevent them from expressing whatever talents they have.”
“shy and fearful” rather than “sensitive and observant.”
Labeling and mislabeling
HSPs prefer to look before entering new situations, they are often called "shy." But shyness is learned, not innate. In fact, 30% of HSPs are extraverts, although the trait is often mislabeled as introversion. It has also been called inhibitedness, fearfulness, or neuroticism. Some HSPs behave in these ways, but it is not innate to do so and not the basic trait.
Taking care of yourself
Misdiagnosis
This is a specific trait with key consequences that in the past has often been confused with innate shyness, social anxiety problems,inhibitedness, or even social phobia and innate fearfulness, introversion, and so on.
"I'm Sensitive"
I was thinking that I might fly today
Just to disprove all the things you say
It doesn't take a talent to be mean
Your words can crush things that are unseen
So please be careful with me, I'm sensitive
And I'd like to stay that way.
You always tell me that is impossible
To be respected and be a girl
Why's it gotta be so complicated?
Why you gotta tell me if I'm hated?
So please be careful with me, I'm sensitive
And I'd like to stay that way.
I was thinking that it might do some good
If we robbed the cynics and took all their food
That way what they believe will have taken place
And we can give it to people who have some faith
So please be careful with me, I'm sensitive
And I'd like to stay that way.
I have this theory that if we're told we're bad
Then that's the only idea we'll ever have
But maybe if we are surrounded in beauty
Someday we will become what we see
'Cause anyone can start a conflict
it's harder yet to disregard it
I'd rather see the world from another angle
We are everyday angels
Be careful with me 'cause I'd like to stay that way
Create a Daily Routine
1. Your morning routine will set the tone for your day while your evening routine will influence the quality of your sleep.
2. Wake up 15-20 minutes earlier than usual to begin your morning routine.
3. Begin with some gentle stretching, yoga postures or light calisthenics.
4. Spend at least 15 minutes centering yourself through meditation, progressive relaxation or listening to a meditation tape.
5. Eat a nourishing breakfast slowly.
6. Leave plenty of time to commute to work.
7. Your evening activities should consist of calming endeavors such as reading uplifting books, writing, meditating, taking a bath or having light discussions.
8. Try not to watch over-stimulating or violent television shows in the evening.
9. For 30 minutes prior to going to sleep, turn off the day and go inward by meditating, listening to a relaxation tape or whatever helps you make the transition to a restful sleep.
Using the senses to calm the HSP
1. Avoid jarring noises by listening to relaxing background music or wearing earplugs.
2. Give yourself or receive a massage on a regular bases.
3. Reduce the time you are sitting in front of a television or computer screen and gaze at beautiful pictures or nature frequently.
4. Reduce your use of caffeine while drinking calming herbal teas and a lot of pure water.
5. Eat warm, nurturing food.
6. Try inhaling calming essential oils or incense.
7. Take a mini retreat twice a week and a longer retreat several times a year.
Important points in reducing time pressure
1. Listen to soothing music while driving slowly.
2. Try to avoid driving during peak traffic hours.
3. Utilize the opportunity of red lights and traffic jams as cues to spend time practicing relaxation techniques.
4. Regularly practice slow, walking meditations in nature to stay calm and focused in the present.
5. Try talking slower and being in silence sometimes.
6. Wait five seconds before responding during an intense conversation to reduce over-stimulating arguments.
7. Try mindful eating during at least one meal a week without engaging in any other stimuli, such as reading, watching television or talking.
8. Try writing and typing at a slower rate.
9. Transform the ring of the telephone into a relaxation cue by not answering the phone until the 3rd or 4th ring if possible, while using the precious moments to relax deeply.
10. Minimize your use of the computer, phones and television.
How to Create Enjoyable and Relaxing Work for the HSP
1. Try to develop a positive attitude toward your job by creating enjoyable social interactions, helping others and being enthusiastic about your work.
2. Listen to background music that is calming and maintain proper air circulation and temperature.
3. Gaze at pictures of natural settings; bring flowers and plants to work.
4. Have juice or herb tea and healthy snack foods available as well as uplifting magazines or articles for your clients or employees to read.
5. Have a comfortable chair to sit on. If you are sitting all day at work, periodically perform stretches and take short walks.
6. Throughout the day do some slow abdominal breathing exercises and take short meditation breaks.
7. If you are calm, your co-workers will be more relaxed creating interpersonal harmony. Don't forget to smile frequently.
8. Explore changes in your job schedule such as beginning work later, working from home or reducing your hours.
9. Create a daily work schedule each morning to plan a pressure-free day.
10. If you are working in a very stressful job that cannot be modified, examine your beliefs and values as to why you continue to work in a difficult situation.
11. Investigate new job possibilities that are well suited for your sensitivity.
deep empathy and high intensity, with powerful intuition, awareness, and intelligence.
You are sensitive, caring, and easily affected by the energy and emotions of others. These qualities make it easy to lose touch with your needs and desires.
A Sensitive Soul is intuitive, highly aware, and keenly observant of the subtleties of your environment, including energy, light, noise, smell, texture, and temperature. You may also be empathic or even psychic. Your perceptive skills operate in the physical, intellectual, emotional, and spiritual realms. You tie together things you see into complex and original concepts. This makes you a visionary.
a) You may be seen as shy or timid; and b) You may feel uncomfortably dissimilar to others because you respond so differently to stimulation.
A Sensitive Soul makes a great employee. You concentrate intensely and process multi-source information. However, you require privacy, uninterrupted time, and little or no pressure in order to do your best work.
have a passion for beauty, art, and aesthetics. You may be highly artistic and creative yourself. You easily create beauty and comfort. Seeing things out of alignment can actually be physically or psychically distressing.
Your inner life is just as intriguing and inspiring as your outer life. You likely have a rich, complex inner life and are highly imaginative. You may find it challenging to connect to real world priorities and realities.
You absolutely require private time alone in order to feel replenished. Up to 70% of Highly Sensitive Souls are introverted. But even extroverted sensitives need downtime to rejuvenate, often in a darkened, quiet room.
feel impatient with the truly mundane.
Highly Sensitive People
freedom from having to hide their sensitive natures behind a veneer of hostility or self-assurance.
ability to pick up on subtleties that others might miss — a look, a feeling, a message embedded in a seemingly straightforward statement. "It's like they're wearing an extra pair of glasses," she says.
take longer to make decisions, need more time alone to think, and are generally more conscientious about things like remembering birthdays.
greater activity in areas of the brain concerned with high-order visual processing, with participants spending longer examining photographs given to them while they underwent the test, and in general paying closer attention to detail than non-HSPs.
HSPs might have been written off as shy or even neurotic, but Aron believes these labels are demeaning and inaccurate. Shyness, she says, is a learned response; HSPs are born with a heightened sensitivity meter.
feelings get hurt easily, and that this huge sector of the population is mistakenly being written off as weak and thin-skinned.
Certainly anxiety is a big component of the HSP's experience. According to experts, HSPs suffer from what is called sensory-processing sensitivity and are more susceptible than ordinary people to both internal and external stimuli. "They have an innate tendency to process things more carefully,"
"They tend to be aware of subtleties and are therefore easily overwhelmed by their feelings." An HSP doesn't just cry while watching a film like The Notebook — she experiences actual grief symptoms. She also reacts strongly to things such as noise and light, and is particularly sensitive to stimulants such as coffee.
Typically an HSP demonstrates greater caution and reluctance than the non-HSP population with things such as taking risks, trying new experiences, meeting new people, even venturing to unfamiliar places.
often intuitive and conscientious, the trait can come at a cost.
"I had trouble sleeping because I was always thinking about things. And because I was so sensitive to hurt, I closed off easily." As a result, her childhood was a lonely one. "I was never one of the gang," she says. Today, she acknowledges, her "brain is always looking for rejection." And, because she fears being "herself," relationships have proved difficult.
withdraw or attack. self-protection: minimizing, blaming, overachieving, inflating, projecting, and choosing not to compete.
All of these behaviors are defensive in nature and tend to exacerbate the condition further, as they often lead to an HSP's getting wounded twice — first when she feels the pain of a perceived slight (prompting her defensive response), and again when the other person responds aggressively to that reaction. "HSPs should carry a warning card,"
complex inner life and an active imagination. "Sensitive people ... may have suffered much pain (they were often of a delicate constitution) — but the damage to the inner self was less. How else to explain the paradox that prisoners of less hardy makeup were often able to survive life in the camps, whereas those of a more robust nature were not?"
tend to be creatively gifted, and that a large percentage have become famous because of their particular talents
being selective with our surroundings, minimizing stress, managing our nervous systems through things like yoga and exercise, and by carefully choosing whom we spend time with, HSPs can play to their strengths.
Cognitive behavioral therapy (where you challenge your negative thoughts with logic), as well as antidepressants, can also help. What's more, when an incident occurs that you find hurtful, Aron suggests clearing the air by sharing your reaction.
I take things personally, even things that others may not. intuitive to others' emotions and consider this one of my greatest strengths. inform those who you interact with most frequently to the fact that you're an HSP. How GREAT is it that we now are aware that it's due to the makeup of our brains and not just because we're big babies. no longer have to make excuses for my tears, need for sunglasses, and the crankiness I feel if I don't eat every 3 hours.
never really had any close friends. i find people to talk to, but we never stay close. and somehow i even manage to push them away. Antsy talkative tomboy girl. then when i started going to school, i remember being teased because of my frizzy hair and being left out of everything because i guess i was weird or something.
"dont take it to heart". its comforting what my parents say, but it still gets me down regardless, and it still keeps me up at night, what people said about me in elementary,all the way up to high school.
feel things intensely, which may cause some to suffer until they learn better coping skills. Sensitivity in itself isn't bad. However, if a sensitive person is raised in a home where it's not valued or it's belittled, then, yes, it can cause suffering until one realizes that sensitivity brings gifts.
pick up on verbal and nonverbal cues better than many. excellent memory. develop interpersonal skills
Because of my sensitivity and my appreciation for nonmaterial things, I have also found that I seem to be more content with life than many people I know.
As with many things in life, if one focuses on the positives of a situation, the negatives seem less or immaterial.
picked up from years of already feeling stigmatized and misunderstood.
personality trait we can learn to understand, manage, and appreciate.
You can't just "snap out" of being depressed and you can't snap out of being an HSP.
get therapy, see a psychologist, get on an antidepressant, exercise, be good to yourself, forgive yourself, pamper yourself.
These are not cures but they can bring relief. My favorite thing to do is read, and when fantastic articles like these are bursting through the pages of Marie Claire, reading will continue to bring relief from HSP symptoms.
gifts
Sensory detail
Nuances in meaning
Emotional awareness
Creativity
Greater empathy
Curses
Easily overwhelmed, over stimulated
Affected by emotions of others
Need lots of space and time to ourselves
Unhealthy perfectionism
Living out of sync with our culture
Holding back
“too many” highly sensitive children and adults “whose depression, anxiety, and low self-esteem prevent them from expressing whatever talents they have.”
“shy and fearful” rather than “sensitive and observant.”
Labeling and mislabeling
HSPs prefer to look before entering new situations, they are often called "shy." But shyness is learned, not innate. In fact, 30% of HSPs are extraverts, although the trait is often mislabeled as introversion. It has also been called inhibitedness, fearfulness, or neuroticism. Some HSPs behave in these ways, but it is not innate to do so and not the basic trait.
Taking care of yourself
Misdiagnosis
This is a specific trait with key consequences that in the past has often been confused with innate shyness, social anxiety problems,inhibitedness, or even social phobia and innate fearfulness, introversion, and so on.
"I'm Sensitive"
I was thinking that I might fly today
Just to disprove all the things you say
It doesn't take a talent to be mean
Your words can crush things that are unseen
So please be careful with me, I'm sensitive
And I'd like to stay that way.
You always tell me that is impossible
To be respected and be a girl
Why's it gotta be so complicated?
Why you gotta tell me if I'm hated?
So please be careful with me, I'm sensitive
And I'd like to stay that way.
I was thinking that it might do some good
If we robbed the cynics and took all their food
That way what they believe will have taken place
And we can give it to people who have some faith
So please be careful with me, I'm sensitive
And I'd like to stay that way.
I have this theory that if we're told we're bad
Then that's the only idea we'll ever have
But maybe if we are surrounded in beauty
Someday we will become what we see
'Cause anyone can start a conflict
it's harder yet to disregard it
I'd rather see the world from another angle
We are everyday angels
Be careful with me 'cause I'd like to stay that way
Create a Daily Routine
1. Your morning routine will set the tone for your day while your evening routine will influence the quality of your sleep.
2. Wake up 15-20 minutes earlier than usual to begin your morning routine.
3. Begin with some gentle stretching, yoga postures or light calisthenics.
4. Spend at least 15 minutes centering yourself through meditation, progressive relaxation or listening to a meditation tape.
5. Eat a nourishing breakfast slowly.
6. Leave plenty of time to commute to work.
7. Your evening activities should consist of calming endeavors such as reading uplifting books, writing, meditating, taking a bath or having light discussions.
8. Try not to watch over-stimulating or violent television shows in the evening.
9. For 30 minutes prior to going to sleep, turn off the day and go inward by meditating, listening to a relaxation tape or whatever helps you make the transition to a restful sleep.
Using the senses to calm the HSP
1. Avoid jarring noises by listening to relaxing background music or wearing earplugs.
2. Give yourself or receive a massage on a regular bases.
3. Reduce the time you are sitting in front of a television or computer screen and gaze at beautiful pictures or nature frequently.
4. Reduce your use of caffeine while drinking calming herbal teas and a lot of pure water.
5. Eat warm, nurturing food.
6. Try inhaling calming essential oils or incense.
7. Take a mini retreat twice a week and a longer retreat several times a year.
Important points in reducing time pressure
1. Listen to soothing music while driving slowly.
2. Try to avoid driving during peak traffic hours.
3. Utilize the opportunity of red lights and traffic jams as cues to spend time practicing relaxation techniques.
4. Regularly practice slow, walking meditations in nature to stay calm and focused in the present.
5. Try talking slower and being in silence sometimes.
6. Wait five seconds before responding during an intense conversation to reduce over-stimulating arguments.
7. Try mindful eating during at least one meal a week without engaging in any other stimuli, such as reading, watching television or talking.
8. Try writing and typing at a slower rate.
9. Transform the ring of the telephone into a relaxation cue by not answering the phone until the 3rd or 4th ring if possible, while using the precious moments to relax deeply.
10. Minimize your use of the computer, phones and television.
How to Create Enjoyable and Relaxing Work for the HSP
1. Try to develop a positive attitude toward your job by creating enjoyable social interactions, helping others and being enthusiastic about your work.
2. Listen to background music that is calming and maintain proper air circulation and temperature.
3. Gaze at pictures of natural settings; bring flowers and plants to work.
4. Have juice or herb tea and healthy snack foods available as well as uplifting magazines or articles for your clients or employees to read.
5. Have a comfortable chair to sit on. If you are sitting all day at work, periodically perform stretches and take short walks.
6. Throughout the day do some slow abdominal breathing exercises and take short meditation breaks.
7. If you are calm, your co-workers will be more relaxed creating interpersonal harmony. Don't forget to smile frequently.
8. Explore changes in your job schedule such as beginning work later, working from home or reducing your hours.
9. Create a daily work schedule each morning to plan a pressure-free day.
10. If you are working in a very stressful job that cannot be modified, examine your beliefs and values as to why you continue to work in a difficult situation.
11. Investigate new job possibilities that are well suited for your sensitivity.
deep empathy and high intensity, with powerful intuition, awareness, and intelligence.
You are sensitive, caring, and easily affected by the energy and emotions of others. These qualities make it easy to lose touch with your needs and desires.
A Sensitive Soul is intuitive, highly aware, and keenly observant of the subtleties of your environment, including energy, light, noise, smell, texture, and temperature. You may also be empathic or even psychic. Your perceptive skills operate in the physical, intellectual, emotional, and spiritual realms. You tie together things you see into complex and original concepts. This makes you a visionary.
a) You may be seen as shy or timid; and b) You may feel uncomfortably dissimilar to others because you respond so differently to stimulation.
A Sensitive Soul makes a great employee. You concentrate intensely and process multi-source information. However, you require privacy, uninterrupted time, and little or no pressure in order to do your best work.
have a passion for beauty, art, and aesthetics. You may be highly artistic and creative yourself. You easily create beauty and comfort. Seeing things out of alignment can actually be physically or psychically distressing.
Your inner life is just as intriguing and inspiring as your outer life. You likely have a rich, complex inner life and are highly imaginative. You may find it challenging to connect to real world priorities and realities.
You absolutely require private time alone in order to feel replenished. Up to 70% of Highly Sensitive Souls are introverted. But even extroverted sensitives need downtime to rejuvenate, often in a darkened, quiet room.
feel impatient with the truly mundane.
Highly sensitive person characteristics
Dr. Ted healing program
-compassionate
-gentle & kind
-appreciate art & music
-value beauty
-sensitive taste (delicious)
-smell lovely fragrance
-enjoy looking at flower & plant
-peace maker
-help create gentle & peaceful world
-care about animal & concern about humane treatment
-enjoy nature
-maintain environment, positive change
-efficient worker
-responsible & conscientious
-loyal
-aware of subtlety, help work environment
-creative
-good teacher, counselor, healer
-enthusiasm for life
-experience joy deeper when center
-feel love deeply
-not better than non HSP, just different
-non HSP not better, just different
-know how to heal self
-gently change self defeating habit
-ask family, friend, coworker for support
-peaceful home & work environment
-plan ahead before entering stimulating situation
-reduce tension in life
-create inner meditation in morning
-leaving plenty of time to appointment
-listen to soothing music while tiring
-avoid driving at peak traffic
-watch call & uplifting movie
-read, write, meditate in evening
-avoid noise by listen to calming background music
-sometimes wear ear plug
credit to its rightful owner
highly sensitive persons can also be highly sensitive to favourable social cues and respond with traits of extroversion.
regular sensory information is processed and analyzed to a greater extent, which contributes to creativity, intuition, sensing implications and attention to detail, but which may also cause quick over-stimulation and over-arousal.
HSP students work differently from others. They pick up on the subtle things, learning better this way than when over aroused. If an HSP student is not contributing much to a discussion, it does not necessarily mean they do not understand or are too shy. HSPs often process things better in their heads, or they may be over-aroused. This can be the reason for their not contributing. HSPs are usually very conscientious but underperform when being watched. This also applies to work situations; HSPs can be great employees—good with details, thoughtful and loyal, but they do tend to work best when conditions are quiet and calm. Because HSPs perform less well when being watched, they may be overlooked for a promotion. HSPs tend to socialize less with others, often preferring to process experiences quietly by themselves.
You can become stressed out and upset when overwhelmed and may find it necessary to get away, maybe into a darkened room, to seek solitude, relief and comfort.
You are very creative.
You are very conscientious, hard working, and meticulous, but may become uncomfortable and less efficient or productive when being watched or scrutinized.
You feel compelled to file and organize things and thoughts, also enjoy simplicity and may become overwhelmed or even immobilized by chaos, clutter, or stress.
You are very uncomfortable when feeling things are getting out of your control.
You get a sense of comfort and well being when around a lake, river, stream, the ocean, or even a fountain.
You may experience mood swings, sometimes occurring almost instantly and can also be affected by other people's moods, emotions and problems.
You have a deep, rich, inner life, are very spiritual, and may also have vivid dreams.
You are very intuitive and you feel that you can usually sense if someone isn't telling the truth or if something else is wrong.
You get concerned and think or worry about many things, and have also been told "you take things too personally."
You have had the experience of "cutting people out" of your life.
You were considered quiet, introverted, timid, or shy as a child.
Can be startled easily. Cautious in new situations. May have trouble sleeping. Extra sensitive to pain. Don't like crowds (unless they are kindred spirits). Avoids violent movies and TV shows. Has a deep respect and appreciation of nature, music and art.
• aware that other people's moods affect you.
• conscientious and/or meticulous.
• uncomfortable around loud noise or bright lights.
• needing frequent alone time to recover from overwhelm or over-stimulation.
• rattled when too much is being asked of you.
• Emotionally drained or exhausted when a friend becomes troubled.
• Inability to express to my satisfaction to another person how I’m feeling.
• Wondering how other people could ‘take everything in stride.’
• Introspective. Deeply reflective.
• Easy feelings of something is about to happen though no indicators.
• Feeling another person’s energy.
• Very sensitive to electricity, energy, vibrations.
• Acute hearing.
• Absorbing others moods, feelings, energy.
• Trouble with relating myself to others.
• Intensely troubled and sensitive to others suffering.
• Used alcohol or other inappropriate means to deaden the feelings.
• Spiritually wrestling almost since a small child.
• Feeling very different and wondering always what was the secret I was missing.
Now what does our HSP really mean? We’re done with needing “to fit in” because we do. We’re done with “learning how to cope” because we have the benefit and experience of our peers to help us. We no longer feel the need to be isolated with the “who we really are” and so now where are we? Who are we? What is our potential as human beings?
I believe HSP’s are “Light-Workers,” “Indigo,” “Gifted,” “Chosen,” “Psychic,” “Intuitive,” “Empathic,” “Enlightened,” “Called;” I believe that a culmination of terms could be used to describe the true gifts or qualities of the HSP.
1. Dreams. Vivid dreams. Astral projection. Lucid dreaming. Prophetic Dreams. Highly symbolic. And of course you dream in color! (When the scientists said that people dreamed in black and white you knew this to be untrue for you and were baffled.)
2. Paranormal sight. Seeing things that could be described as paranormal. Have you ever seriously ‘seen a ghost’ or ‘energy’ or ‘aura’? Have you seen things move with no provocation? (Do you cringe when you hear people talk smarmily about ‘ghost sightings’? Do you hardly ever relay your own experiences?)
3. Paranormal auditory. Have you heard things that could not be explained? For example, laughter in the other room when no one was in there. The jingle of a cat collar behind you in the kitchen but you have no cats. [Yet you suspect it was your cat who passed away.] Your dad calling your name from downstairs but he wasn’t home.
4. Paranormal feeling. Have you ever met someone and known right then the condition of their spirit, mood, or life? Have you known a person’s ulterior motive yet their mouth was speaking differently than you were feeling? Contrary to maybe a group of people’s idea, did you know the idea to be different than what was being sold? Were any of your feelings later validated? [Yet you refused to say “I knew it!”]
5. Thought reading. [Telepathy.] Particularly saying something that someone would confide “I was just thinking that.”? [I think everyone has. Among HSP’s we tend to exchange energy more freely with each other and perhaps occurs more frequently.]
6. Influence. Have you ever for example had your television go out and then with a “Oh stop” it came back? Have you ever (probably inadvertantly) thought-suggested something and then your friend brings it up? (With my dog it was a game. I’d think, ‘Want to go outside?’ And there she was. Head perked and tail wagging.)
7. Visions. Past, future or unexplained? Maybe you’ve had a dream, or a dream series that would later present itself. [Article of my biggest life-changing dream series.] When I say ‘past’ I mean to say that once - in twilight sleep, a hypnogogic state - I had a vision of me and my beloved in Egypt. We were Egyptians and we were saying goodbye to each other. Just a thought? A vision? Don’t know.
8. Seeker. Seeker/Fighter. Always searching for the higher spiritual calling. Have you understood, since you’ve been a small child that there was a special connection between you and the Divine? Have you particularly rebelled at this for whatever reason? Have you allowed alcohol, drugs, or other human distractions to numb you from this calling?
9. Coincidence. [Synchronicity] Have you been prone to noticing the ease with which certain things occur for you? Can you notice when the Divine has you on a certain path or mission? Do these coincidences seemingly happen to you more so than other people to the extent that you don’t bother explaining when a casual friend is in awe that something you absolutely needed to happen happened?
10. Empathic. Giving and Receiving Energy, Spirit, or Emotions. Do animals, children and certain people seem drawn to you? Are there people you know who have physically made you sick or very tired? Have you often felt so open that anxiety attacks seemed only seconds away? Do certain situations seem to be okay with other people, yet you’re feeling like ‘What the?’ Have you been depressed for no apparent reason to discover a loved one was in pain? Do you have friends ‘on your radar?’
1. Familiarity. Individuals with the Sensitive personality style prefer the known to the unknown. They are comfortable with, even inspired by, habit, repetition, and routine.
2. Concern. Sensitive individuals care deeply about what other people think of them.
3. Circumspection. They behave with deliberate discretion in their dealings with others. They do not make hasty judgments or jump in before they know what is appropriate.
4. Polite reserve. Socially they take care to maintain a courteous, self-restrained demeanor.
5. Role. They function best in scripted settings, vocationally and socially: when they know precisely what is expected of them, how they are supposed to relate to others, and what they are expected to say.
6. Privacy. Sensitive men and women are not quick to share their innermost thoughts and feelings with others, even those they know well.
1. Familiarity, comfortability with the familiar, the known, habit, repetition, routine, predictability; family orientation, strong family ties, closeness, home life, family values; within the family and with familiars, warmth, giving, openness, spontaneousness, likability, friendliness, loyalty, kindness, confidence, self-confidence, a sense of humor, and strong opinions.
2. Concern, empathy, care, awareness, cautiousness, reserve, reticence; high mindedness, refinement, idealism; reliability, steadiness, effectiveness, thoroughness, concentration, responsibility.
3. Circumspection, thoughtfulness, deliberativeness, discretion, ability to concentrate; attentiveness, watchfulness, alertness, vigilance, anticipation, bravery, courage, protectiveness.
4. Polite reserve, courtesy, self-restraint, politeness, coolness, well-mannered, conforming, self-effacing, self-discipline, self-control.
5. Role-seeking (scripted settings, what is expected, defined role, role-play).
6. Privacy, creativity, artistry, imagination, spirituality.
7. Signature Strengths*
8.
"Creativity [originality, ingenuity]: Thinking of novel and productive ways to conceptualize and do things; includes artistic achievement but is not limited to it"
9. "Love: Valuing close relations with others, in particular those in which sharing and caring are reciprocated; being close to people
10. "Humility / Modesty Letting one's accomplishments speak for themselves; not regarding oneself as more special than one is
11. "Prudence: Being careful about one's choices; not taking undue risks; not saying or doing things that might later be regretted"
12. "Self-regulation [self-control]: regulating what one feels and does; being disciplined; controlling one's appetites and emotions"
13. "Appreciation of beauty and excellence [awe, wonder, elevation]: Noticing and appreciating beauty, excellence, and/or skilled performance in various domains of life, from nature to art to mathematics to science to everyday experience"
14. "Spirituality [religiousness, faith, purpose]: Having coherent beliefs about the higher purpose and meaning of the universe; knowing where one fits within the larger scheme; having beliefs about the meaning of life that shape conduct and provide comfort" (Peterson & Seligman, 29, 30).
-compassionate
-gentle & kind
-appreciate art & music
-value beauty
-sensitive taste (delicious)
-smell lovely fragrance
-enjoy looking at flower & plant
-peace maker
-help create gentle & peaceful world
-care about animal & concern about humane treatment
-enjoy nature
-maintain environment, positive change
-efficient worker
-responsible & conscientious
-loyal
-aware of subtlety, help work environment
-creative
-good teacher, counselor, healer
-enthusiasm for life
-experience joy deeper when center
-feel love deeply
-not better than non HSP, just different
-non HSP not better, just different
-know how to heal self
-gently change self defeating habit
-ask family, friend, coworker for support
-peaceful home & work environment
-plan ahead before entering stimulating situation
-reduce tension in life
-create inner meditation in morning
-leaving plenty of time to appointment
-listen to soothing music while tiring
-avoid driving at peak traffic
-watch call & uplifting movie
-read, write, meditate in evening
-avoid noise by listen to calming background music
-sometimes wear ear plug
credit to its rightful owner
highly sensitive persons can also be highly sensitive to favourable social cues and respond with traits of extroversion.
regular sensory information is processed and analyzed to a greater extent, which contributes to creativity, intuition, sensing implications and attention to detail, but which may also cause quick over-stimulation and over-arousal.
HSP students work differently from others. They pick up on the subtle things, learning better this way than when over aroused. If an HSP student is not contributing much to a discussion, it does not necessarily mean they do not understand or are too shy. HSPs often process things better in their heads, or they may be over-aroused. This can be the reason for their not contributing. HSPs are usually very conscientious but underperform when being watched. This also applies to work situations; HSPs can be great employees—good with details, thoughtful and loyal, but they do tend to work best when conditions are quiet and calm. Because HSPs perform less well when being watched, they may be overlooked for a promotion. HSPs tend to socialize less with others, often preferring to process experiences quietly by themselves.
You can become stressed out and upset when overwhelmed and may find it necessary to get away, maybe into a darkened room, to seek solitude, relief and comfort.
You are very creative.
You are very conscientious, hard working, and meticulous, but may become uncomfortable and less efficient or productive when being watched or scrutinized.
You feel compelled to file and organize things and thoughts, also enjoy simplicity and may become overwhelmed or even immobilized by chaos, clutter, or stress.
You are very uncomfortable when feeling things are getting out of your control.
You get a sense of comfort and well being when around a lake, river, stream, the ocean, or even a fountain.
You may experience mood swings, sometimes occurring almost instantly and can also be affected by other people's moods, emotions and problems.
You have a deep, rich, inner life, are very spiritual, and may also have vivid dreams.
You are very intuitive and you feel that you can usually sense if someone isn't telling the truth or if something else is wrong.
You get concerned and think or worry about many things, and have also been told "you take things too personally."
You have had the experience of "cutting people out" of your life.
You were considered quiet, introverted, timid, or shy as a child.
Can be startled easily. Cautious in new situations. May have trouble sleeping. Extra sensitive to pain. Don't like crowds (unless they are kindred spirits). Avoids violent movies and TV shows. Has a deep respect and appreciation of nature, music and art.
• aware that other people's moods affect you.
• conscientious and/or meticulous.
• uncomfortable around loud noise or bright lights.
• needing frequent alone time to recover from overwhelm or over-stimulation.
• rattled when too much is being asked of you.
• Emotionally drained or exhausted when a friend becomes troubled.
• Inability to express to my satisfaction to another person how I’m feeling.
• Wondering how other people could ‘take everything in stride.’
• Introspective. Deeply reflective.
• Easy feelings of something is about to happen though no indicators.
• Feeling another person’s energy.
• Very sensitive to electricity, energy, vibrations.
• Acute hearing.
• Absorbing others moods, feelings, energy.
• Trouble with relating myself to others.
• Intensely troubled and sensitive to others suffering.
• Used alcohol or other inappropriate means to deaden the feelings.
• Spiritually wrestling almost since a small child.
• Feeling very different and wondering always what was the secret I was missing.
Now what does our HSP really mean? We’re done with needing “to fit in” because we do. We’re done with “learning how to cope” because we have the benefit and experience of our peers to help us. We no longer feel the need to be isolated with the “who we really are” and so now where are we? Who are we? What is our potential as human beings?
I believe HSP’s are “Light-Workers,” “Indigo,” “Gifted,” “Chosen,” “Psychic,” “Intuitive,” “Empathic,” “Enlightened,” “Called;” I believe that a culmination of terms could be used to describe the true gifts or qualities of the HSP.
1. Dreams. Vivid dreams. Astral projection. Lucid dreaming. Prophetic Dreams. Highly symbolic. And of course you dream in color! (When the scientists said that people dreamed in black and white you knew this to be untrue for you and were baffled.)
2. Paranormal sight. Seeing things that could be described as paranormal. Have you ever seriously ‘seen a ghost’ or ‘energy’ or ‘aura’? Have you seen things move with no provocation? (Do you cringe when you hear people talk smarmily about ‘ghost sightings’? Do you hardly ever relay your own experiences?)
3. Paranormal auditory. Have you heard things that could not be explained? For example, laughter in the other room when no one was in there. The jingle of a cat collar behind you in the kitchen but you have no cats. [Yet you suspect it was your cat who passed away.] Your dad calling your name from downstairs but he wasn’t home.
4. Paranormal feeling. Have you ever met someone and known right then the condition of their spirit, mood, or life? Have you known a person’s ulterior motive yet their mouth was speaking differently than you were feeling? Contrary to maybe a group of people’s idea, did you know the idea to be different than what was being sold? Were any of your feelings later validated? [Yet you refused to say “I knew it!”]
5. Thought reading. [Telepathy.] Particularly saying something that someone would confide “I was just thinking that.”? [I think everyone has. Among HSP’s we tend to exchange energy more freely with each other and perhaps occurs more frequently.]
6. Influence. Have you ever for example had your television go out and then with a “Oh stop” it came back? Have you ever (probably inadvertantly) thought-suggested something and then your friend brings it up? (With my dog it was a game. I’d think, ‘Want to go outside?’ And there she was. Head perked and tail wagging.)
7. Visions. Past, future or unexplained? Maybe you’ve had a dream, or a dream series that would later present itself. [Article of my biggest life-changing dream series.] When I say ‘past’ I mean to say that once - in twilight sleep, a hypnogogic state - I had a vision of me and my beloved in Egypt. We were Egyptians and we were saying goodbye to each other. Just a thought? A vision? Don’t know.
8. Seeker. Seeker/Fighter. Always searching for the higher spiritual calling. Have you understood, since you’ve been a small child that there was a special connection between you and the Divine? Have you particularly rebelled at this for whatever reason? Have you allowed alcohol, drugs, or other human distractions to numb you from this calling?
9. Coincidence. [Synchronicity] Have you been prone to noticing the ease with which certain things occur for you? Can you notice when the Divine has you on a certain path or mission? Do these coincidences seemingly happen to you more so than other people to the extent that you don’t bother explaining when a casual friend is in awe that something you absolutely needed to happen happened?
10. Empathic. Giving and Receiving Energy, Spirit, or Emotions. Do animals, children and certain people seem drawn to you? Are there people you know who have physically made you sick or very tired? Have you often felt so open that anxiety attacks seemed only seconds away? Do certain situations seem to be okay with other people, yet you’re feeling like ‘What the?’ Have you been depressed for no apparent reason to discover a loved one was in pain? Do you have friends ‘on your radar?’
1. Familiarity. Individuals with the Sensitive personality style prefer the known to the unknown. They are comfortable with, even inspired by, habit, repetition, and routine.
2. Concern. Sensitive individuals care deeply about what other people think of them.
3. Circumspection. They behave with deliberate discretion in their dealings with others. They do not make hasty judgments or jump in before they know what is appropriate.
4. Polite reserve. Socially they take care to maintain a courteous, self-restrained demeanor.
5. Role. They function best in scripted settings, vocationally and socially: when they know precisely what is expected of them, how they are supposed to relate to others, and what they are expected to say.
6. Privacy. Sensitive men and women are not quick to share their innermost thoughts and feelings with others, even those they know well.
1. Familiarity, comfortability with the familiar, the known, habit, repetition, routine, predictability; family orientation, strong family ties, closeness, home life, family values; within the family and with familiars, warmth, giving, openness, spontaneousness, likability, friendliness, loyalty, kindness, confidence, self-confidence, a sense of humor, and strong opinions.
2. Concern, empathy, care, awareness, cautiousness, reserve, reticence; high mindedness, refinement, idealism; reliability, steadiness, effectiveness, thoroughness, concentration, responsibility.
3. Circumspection, thoughtfulness, deliberativeness, discretion, ability to concentrate; attentiveness, watchfulness, alertness, vigilance, anticipation, bravery, courage, protectiveness.
4. Polite reserve, courtesy, self-restraint, politeness, coolness, well-mannered, conforming, self-effacing, self-discipline, self-control.
5. Role-seeking (scripted settings, what is expected, defined role, role-play).
6. Privacy, creativity, artistry, imagination, spirituality.
7. Signature Strengths*
8.
"Creativity [originality, ingenuity]: Thinking of novel and productive ways to conceptualize and do things; includes artistic achievement but is not limited to it"
9. "Love: Valuing close relations with others, in particular those in which sharing and caring are reciprocated; being close to people
10. "Humility / Modesty Letting one's accomplishments speak for themselves; not regarding oneself as more special than one is
11. "Prudence: Being careful about one's choices; not taking undue risks; not saying or doing things that might later be regretted"
12. "Self-regulation [self-control]: regulating what one feels and does; being disciplined; controlling one's appetites and emotions"
13. "Appreciation of beauty and excellence [awe, wonder, elevation]: Noticing and appreciating beauty, excellence, and/or skilled performance in various domains of life, from nature to art to mathematics to science to everyday experience"
14. "Spirituality [religiousness, faith, purpose]: Having coherent beliefs about the higher purpose and meaning of the universe; knowing where one fits within the larger scheme; having beliefs about the meaning of life that shape conduct and provide comfort" (Peterson & Seligman, 29, 30).
How to deal with stress
-take care of self (increase energy)
-healthy food choice (small frequent meals)
-get enough sleep, stress leads to insomnia, lack of sleep leads to stress
-time balance, no over schedule
-leave early in the morning 10-15 min
-plan regular break (short)
-unpleasant task first, break task, share work
-exercise regularly
-decrease caffeine
-forgive quickly
-avoid worrying
-healthy food choice (small frequent meals)
-get enough sleep, stress leads to insomnia, lack of sleep leads to stress
-time balance, no over schedule
-leave early in the morning 10-15 min
-plan regular break (short)
-unpleasant task first, break task, share work
-exercise regularly
-decrease caffeine
-forgive quickly
-avoid worrying
Friday, December 16, 2011
Morning routine
Ideas to prepare self to face stressful day
-wake up early, smile
-sit & stretch
-a few minutes of meditation
-think of 2-3 things to be grateful for, remind yourself what a gift to be alive
-read inspirational book/material for about 5 min
-coffee, tea, scent, music
-keep your attention, to the here & now, so that you can be open to whatever opportunity open to the unknown
-it's not personal
-find your gift & share them
-let out your steam lightly
-nourish & strengthen health
-don't let self doubt stand in your way
-wake up early, smile
-sit & stretch
-a few minutes of meditation
-think of 2-3 things to be grateful for, remind yourself what a gift to be alive
-read inspirational book/material for about 5 min
-coffee, tea, scent, music
-keep your attention, to the here & now, so that you can be open to whatever opportunity open to the unknown
-it's not personal
-find your gift & share them
-let out your steam lightly
-nourish & strengthen health
-don't let self doubt stand in your way
Sweetriot quotes
These quotes found in Sweetriot chocolate tins
C. Malesherbes once said, "we would accomplish many more things if we did not think of them as impossible."
As quoted in Time, "Don't blow it-good planets are hard to find."
"Do a little more each day than you think you possibly can!" Lowel Thomas
"Don't think you're on the right road just because it's a well-beaten path!" Anonymous
"action is eloquence; the eyes of the ignorant are more learned than their ears." William Shakespeare
C. Malesherbes once said, "we would accomplish many more things if we did not think of them as impossible."
As quoted in Time, "Don't blow it-good planets are hard to find."
"Do a little more each day than you think you possibly can!" Lowel Thomas
"Don't think you're on the right road just because it's a well-beaten path!" Anonymous
"action is eloquence; the eyes of the ignorant are more learned than their ears." William Shakespeare
Don't sweat the small stuff book note
Don't sweat the small stuff for women by Richard Carlson
-give yourself the gift of forgiveness
-be real open up, speak from you heart, being very honest & asking in depth q's about happiness & hardship
-"this too, shall pass"
-"lower threshold/stress"
-stop swimming upstream, having the humility to admit that you're fighting too hard
-create beauty from the inside out: feel calm, happy, peaceful with more light hearted attitude
-my way is not the way, it's just my way
-stop magnifying the flaws "perfection" does not exist
-go ahead & vent (one time), but get it off your chest
-set your own priority
-don't trip on your own baggage/excess, no longer need emotional baggage we don't need, living in the past
-get off your own hamster wheel/circular thinking, when in low mood
-fear (common sense attitude) unbalance leads to destructive, intuition (ability to tune into innate wisdom)
-set clear boundaries, avoid letting people take advantage, feeling of anger & resentment defines what it is, limit must be reasonable, fair
-use your career for your spiritual work for growth, choose to resolve conflict with love & compassion or hold responsible
-know when your ego is getting the best of you
-consider that he may not have the "eye" for it
-remain calm & make the best of bad situation
-rise above the rut of routine
-be grateful for small things
-find your own way & cont.to eval. your choice
-allow enthusiasm bubble up from you
-share the "nice" stories
-balance, support, no over schedule
-diffuse thought of explosion
-when all else fails, laugh
-complain to the right person
-don't let anger get the best of you
-seize your opportunities
-widen your scope & get some perspective
-renegotiate your boundaries
-don't fight fire with fire, unless it's a control burn
-when trying to simplify/reduce stress, think prevention
-don't take it all so seriously
-know your hot spot/emotional trigger
-own your emotion
-remember that a low mood is only temporarily
-treasure the journey
-give yourself the gift of forgiveness
-be real open up, speak from you heart, being very honest & asking in depth q's about happiness & hardship
-"this too, shall pass"
-"lower threshold/stress"
-stop swimming upstream, having the humility to admit that you're fighting too hard
-create beauty from the inside out: feel calm, happy, peaceful with more light hearted attitude
-my way is not the way, it's just my way
-stop magnifying the flaws "perfection" does not exist
-go ahead & vent (one time), but get it off your chest
-set your own priority
-don't trip on your own baggage/excess, no longer need emotional baggage we don't need, living in the past
-get off your own hamster wheel/circular thinking, when in low mood
-fear (common sense attitude) unbalance leads to destructive, intuition (ability to tune into innate wisdom)
-set clear boundaries, avoid letting people take advantage, feeling of anger & resentment defines what it is, limit must be reasonable, fair
-use your career for your spiritual work for growth, choose to resolve conflict with love & compassion or hold responsible
-know when your ego is getting the best of you
-consider that he may not have the "eye" for it
-remain calm & make the best of bad situation
-rise above the rut of routine
-be grateful for small things
-find your own way & cont.to eval. your choice
-allow enthusiasm bubble up from you
-share the "nice" stories
-balance, support, no over schedule
-diffuse thought of explosion
-when all else fails, laugh
-complain to the right person
-don't let anger get the best of you
-seize your opportunities
-widen your scope & get some perspective
-renegotiate your boundaries
-don't fight fire with fire, unless it's a control burn
-when trying to simplify/reduce stress, think prevention
-don't take it all so seriously
-know your hot spot/emotional trigger
-own your emotion
-remember that a low mood is only temporarily
-treasure the journey
sensitive self book note
The sensitive self by Michael Eigen
-psycho therapy: attentive waiting, informed art of indecision
-reflection, experiencing, feeling, feeling feelings, time of experience vs.
-speed of thoughts & action, necessary for certain emergency, not a criterion of being
-if we do not listen to devil in each other, we will shut each other out, get defensive, listen open up rather than fighting/hiding
-listening evolve, more important vs.
-fight & run away
-open mind & pathway of communication, transmission, labor of love, love of labor, from one soul to another
-find heaven & let it go, don’t force your heaven on others or give yours up too long for someone else’s version
-negotiating heaven, emotional riches
-heaven keeps changing
-inside mean sensitivity, vulnerability, feelings for others deep inside us
-the way we touch each other & touch in each other invites reflective wisdom & growth
-no heaven without inspiration, no inspiration without desperation & imaginative fury
-dread & love opposite of breath
-see beauty & horror
-hear marvelous music & scream
-if we want to be only 1 thing, meaning is frustrating, but if we are willing to be open, what a treasure a life of meaning is, meanings are always multiple
swinging between emotional access & opportunity for reflection
-alternative conclusion
-need each other perspective to correct & amplify each other
-one cannot stop other's way, other think or the way one think of one self
-mutation of sensitive responsiveness
-psycho therapy: attentive waiting, informed art of indecision
-reflection, experiencing, feeling, feeling feelings, time of experience vs.
-speed of thoughts & action, necessary for certain emergency, not a criterion of being
-if we do not listen to devil in each other, we will shut each other out, get defensive, listen open up rather than fighting/hiding
-listening evolve, more important vs.
-fight & run away
-open mind & pathway of communication, transmission, labor of love, love of labor, from one soul to another
-find heaven & let it go, don’t force your heaven on others or give yours up too long for someone else’s version
-negotiating heaven, emotional riches
-heaven keeps changing
-inside mean sensitivity, vulnerability, feelings for others deep inside us
-the way we touch each other & touch in each other invites reflective wisdom & growth
-no heaven without inspiration, no inspiration without desperation & imaginative fury
-dread & love opposite of breath
-see beauty & horror
-hear marvelous music & scream
-if we want to be only 1 thing, meaning is frustrating, but if we are willing to be open, what a treasure a life of meaning is, meanings are always multiple
swinging between emotional access & opportunity for reflection
-alternative conclusion
-need each other perspective to correct & amplify each other
-one cannot stop other's way, other think or the way one think of one self
-mutation of sensitive responsiveness
Thursday, December 15, 2011
Introverted leader book note
The Introverted Leader by Jennifer Kahnweiler
-ethic & cultural Asian: concern & group discussion, get idea, agree/disagree vote, end suggestion, 1 went well, 1 need improve
-participate with mouth & head, show respect: no side conversation & 1 at a time
-main pt, confidentiality, silent
-be on time
-put problem on top of sheet & ask for solution, pass around
-push self to speak up & engage other is to get best thing of everyone
-if someone not speaking for a while, say name & ask what they think, put q's for group 2 min on topic opinion, 2-3 on writing
-small group 4-6 to discuss problem & report back
-take the floor, getting heard despite resistant from talker
-tip for handle talker at meeting, don't smile or nodded head in agreement, flat expression
-don't shout out of frustration, discuss topic offline
-hold up a stop signal hand & say I would like to say something
-strong voice, I am speaking & would like to finish my thought
-prepare to comment with confidence look in eyes
-miss opportunity in meeting, look for them afterward
-picture you're value at meeting action move project forwarrd
-meet with team lead after & post ground rule
-right brain: creative, emotional
-left brain: logical process & thinking
-2 meeting extended break to separate brainstorm & decision
-response the next day
-technology friend/foe, get involve, take the floor
-introvert comfortable comm: email, instant msg, text, social network site
-prohibit lab top to meeting due to seem not to pay attention
-good if use to instant msg other member b4 response to boss, but may disengage & invisibility
-live presence, contribute comment
-interactive training project
-build relationship, net working, mutual exchange
-prepare purpose, what to offer, what needed, social network to set stage, defeat negative self talk
-forget networking, consider influencer, plan to sit with them
-keen observeer, listen & learn more about specific customer need
-prepare q's for social situation, need answer to important q's
-plan what to offer, mutual exchange, work, resource, info, experience, expertise
-speak of interest, offer best self
-plan what needed
-want to learn
-wall, avoid conflict, instead assertive comm, needed disclose, back/force problem solving affected them
-social network site is warm relationship follow up with invite
-prepare to ask q's what you likeabout job, talk about self, interest
-learn something new, not replace face to face
-replace negative self talk, self defeating, keep onside line
-don't know about ability until try
-uncomfortable with small talk, more comfortable by prepare q's ahead of time or research
-guilty, don't have, do other thing
-find way to overcome fear that incapacitate us in build relationship
-recharge batter b4 people oriented encounter
-endure networking one on one
-listen, engage in substance talks, learn & teach name, answer q's
-focus attention, hard to read & gruff outside, inside gentle
-sometimes misunderstood
-strong ability to listen & connect
-substance talk is mutual interest
-break ice is common ground other
-talk about them, weather, movie, sport
-learn & teach name, connect name & object
-I am...to...for example
-push, move out of typical role, volunteer to help
-act the part (as if confidence), start conversation with people at grocery store, schedule visit with customer when at location for another purpose, table top conversation start & cont.
-stay close to comfortable socializer & connect through their connection
-volunteer & learn
-practice, safe environment, web press current, put attention on other person & helping them
-blogging name & expertise in article express thought & interest
-win from use 4 p process, visualize, increase confidence, decrease anxiety, reflect on purpose, manage stress leads to fruitful conversation, take note, prep q's advantage & positive impression
-presence: manage stress & close perception gap leads to clear rational look at situation & take action, yoga, aware of tension, relax to decrease stress, clear head & focus when deal with work & other people
-how hold self affect how perceived awkward discomfort in own body not info impart
-push to be more engage
-opportunity is luck meet preparation
-find best mentor
-practice is decrease stress, perception gap, career de railer & invisibility
-lack social initiative
-never spoke, people thought slow
-slow thinker is thoughtful, reflective rather than procrastinator or indecisive
-good idea, need time to think, get back in morning or this afternoon
-coping is practice, learn & growth, wear coat (armor) invisible
-share heart, mind, potential with other, self & other benefit
-build on quiet strength
-prepare dialogue & research needed to build trust & commitment
-best time to approach boss
-issue, gripe, personal concern get in way of doing best, job re rail & understand challenge
-contribute idea & not remain silent
-persuade by learning & negotiating, build on listening & problem solving skill, push to engage
-credibility, frame for common ground, provide evidence & connect emotionally
-resilience during inevitable change
-on going personal & professional development, step out of ineffective behavior
-engagement & inspiration
-try too hard to change is shadow dark side understress leads to negative result, increase 4 p, more study leads to more confuse, anxious, second guess, leads to act the role of a sociable person, pretend to be confident, reframe anxious situation by imagining & act as if & behavior in out going manner, too on, asking too many q's, converse all about self, laughing too often or loudly, exhaust self & other try to connect
-skill practice, role play, problem solving
-excess push, emphasize weakness
-cont. press too hard leads to exhaustion & self defeat, believe never get it, give up, inauthentic
-setting where shine
-move to success, enter smiling, call people by name, congrat, intro people to each other, tell amusing antidote
-body language, non verbal, how perceived, slow deep breath, relax shoulder & put on genuine smile, eye contact, move on politely when break in conversation
-step out of comfortable & familia leads to increasing visibility & recognition
-potential job opportunity
-practice the answer to q's might be ask & write down list of conversation starter
-set specific goal: identify possible improvement area from quiz, 2-3 action take to improve, measure completion, source of support, completion date
-if you believe it, you can achieve it, commit to change
1-mind body connection: headache, stomachache, back pain, awkward with people equal stress
-hold feeling inside when frustrated, people exhaustion endure with clench teeth
-need time to decompress after spent time with other
-surprise, need to response quick & no answer, use data to discredit pt., being out going, conversational & engage equal stress
2-perception gap: how people see & think see
-silent, sparse word, slow thinker
-withdrawn, gruff, insensitive, rude
-inside strong, aware, bright, fumbling, high voiced silly girl
-listen, hear fact from diff. view & process, pause to offer carefully considered response leads to procrastinator or indecisive
-weak, not push back, can easily manipulated, therefore should be more assertive
-career de-railer, soft skills: under sell, miss connection, avoid politics, working harder not smarter
-accomplishment: miss opportunity, talk about skill & potential
-missconnection: who you know, chat about family & sport with boss
-if not branch out of comfort zone & expand network in/out of work, not visible & valuable asset
-avoid politic: gossip, rumor, innuendo, back stabbing
-good politic connect with people other respect & well network, spending time & finding out their priorities & needs
-working harder, not smarter: lack critical people skill, if not learn effective of getting comfortable with being with people, tense leads to not effective performance
-invisivility: idea not heard, loss opportunity & personal power
-insight, idea, solution unheard
-invisibility: faulty assumption, awareness helps
-potential obstacle as opportunity to change, action 4 P
-preparation, present, push, practice (stress, perception gap, derail career, invisibility) leads to move forward
-successful & non effective interaction leads to plan differently
-prepare in conversation, presentation, challenging people, as project leads to reduce stress & perception gap
-for meeting, write down possible q & a, role play with friend
-if not prepare q's, draw from knowledge
-prepare extensive not, specific phrase, time to be alone, strategize interaction, pause for specific q's & phrase to say
-take note & rehearse with trusted peer
-observe those with great interpersonal skill & integrate into style
-present empathy & integrity for rapport & personal power
-ask intelligent q's that show interest
-offer reason to guidance
-prepare for unanticipated, back up topic, generic open end q's
-stress reduction technique: breath
-tell story
-push do what most afraid (fear) build relationship with boss, mingle with a purpose, answer challenge (force)
-public speak or difficult conversation with customer
-you still want to know what you can do
-practice proficient, incorporate many tool into standing repertoire, keep fresh & experiment with different way to connect with people & deliver message
-recalibrate approach & demeanor depend on situation
-awkward at first, after awhile, reasonably confident, not total at ease & stress free, over time, fluid
-conscious repetition: view as who want to be
-increase trust & credibility with coworker & boss, decrease invisibility
-strengthen soft spot: maintain quiet demeanor, but adapt style to meet need challenge, strong result
-temperament: gene & environment
-quiz: leadership skill
-public speak: prepare story & example, rehearse out loud, use voice for max impact, opportunity to practice
-manager & leader: balance hand on & delegation, personal & communication style, fully present listen, conflict when necessary
-project: build credibility with member, clear in informing people of expectation, share lime light, humor to stimulate creativity & team work
-managing up: meet with boss regularly & prepare q's on role & goal, approach with problem & potential solution, give/receive feedback prepare agenda & ask for agenda for meeting, handle bully in meeting, speak up when have something to contribute, variety of group technique to involve participant
-build relationship: know what to offer networking, use social network tool, engage in substance vs. small talk, value known in/out of organization
-seek specific solution, be more focus
-ask for feedback from manager & peer, which skill more value, priority
-strength (eg. share lime light)
-presentation with ease & confident
-voice & hand shake
-idea coherently, act
-educate, inform, persuade
-challenge individual to talk to you & each other
-business case & problem to be solve
-present idea & summarize: deliver command performance
-study material, anticipate q's, enter room ready to b expert
-synergy of prepare & attitude
-prepare story, example for pt.
-reveal flaw, tell happening
-conquer fear, reflect, focus, spontaneous, being present & get involve with audience, listen to gut, flexibility
-nervous: past success, preparation, great feeling of deliver message of value
-visualization, relax, deep breath
-eat good breakfast, increase rest & water, decrease caffeine, snack
-rehearse out loud, early, last minute review, help a little
-present connect with audience, voice, body language, pause b4/after pt.
-story, picture, practice
-managing & leading genuine & sincere interest in people to issue, both personal & work related leads to trust & honest communication
-one on one deep conversation
-good listener
-name, children, pet
-don't ask too many q's, focus on answer
-inverted oriented, reflective, think before acting
-encourager, communicator, courageous, great listener equal good boss
-sense of humor, show empathy, decisive, take responsibility, humble, share authority
-blank wall, doubter, secretive, intimidating, bad temper, self center, indecisive, blame other, arrogant, show mistrust equal bad boss
-give up some of know & like to know leads to job satisfaction & self esteem
-don't know & may not like leads to initially satisfaction & self esteem
-certainty, specificity, answer leads to assignment unclear leads to training, managing, answering
-know self, know team, build team, see big picture
-manage self: assert & liability (compensate): experience, skill, trait, value, like/dislike, emotional intelligent
-increase objective, detach when needed, show appropriate concern for other, ask for help when needed, value for team & self esteem
-ask for challenging assignment & opportunity
-lack of delegation as weakness
-know team: sensing fact & detail, intuition: listen for big picture
-introvert leader: request description of problem with time frame for solution, walk away, internalize
-build motivation: know important to people
-see big picture: left brain (manage: orderly, analytical, structure, predictable)
right brain (leader: unstructured, creative, visionary, less orderly)
-presence: profound impression
-learn to delegate, listen with atonement, observe facial expression
-delegate: lead, plan, coach, match right person to task, know capability, guide leads to slack
-listen with atonement/depth: empathy leads to rapport & presence
-lay out objective, goal, task
-adapt style based on people & situation, step out of comfort zone
-introvert less challenge & criticize, listen assertive, reserve & quiet, gather info, analyze, articulate direction
-facial expression: competent at demonstrate emotion & read other expression, close perception gap, reduce stress, be presence
-push assert self, have conversation, face conflict, learn about organization, keep learning
-assert not aggressive, direct, open, honest communication to please other & avoid conflict leads to increase resentment, passive aggressive equal jerk
-ask for need in direct, open manner
-share info, clear, direct
-watch role model, take class
-conversation: talk to people work with at least weekly
-index card for people: feedback, specific q's leads to recognize & decrease face to face impromptu meeting
-conflict: disagree, natural necessary, normal leads to creative solution to problem, productive action
-adjust approach to diversity
-learn organization leads to suggest direction for upper management
--take temporary assignment
-think result benefit
-practice with support system one on one rely on experience member
-ask for training needed to be successful
-managing: hidden talent or too much time & energy, risk not worth reward
-productive solution & move on
-influence people, not report to you & get result
-willing to meet people on turf & step out of confined world
-prepare: leadership, people, technical skill, business savvy
-coach & mentor: encourage & review doc. before meeting, analyze implication, what individual wanted & appropriate q's to ask
-career management & advice
-diffuse difficult personal conflict & identify skill development need within
-negotiate & mentor
-talk to learn member indiv., why involvement matter, benefit of project leads to understand need & priority, plan strategy & prevent further problem
-communicate expectation: task ownership, check pt., role & responsibility leads to demotivating & disappointing
-written form of communication
-presence
-solicite input
-match medium to message
-learn to flip switch
-confusion, lack of direction, perception gap prevent & miss good idea
-email: rely info appointment & data, report, business case, plan
-text & instant msg: quick answer, on the spot planing
-phone: reference email sent, develop relationship & build credibility
face to face: important news, fire, launch project, praise team, work out issue & problem
-meeting game: clear important info & feedback
-stop & chat, moderate
-get out of front line, not necessary to speak to everyone all the time, everyday, find extrovert
-learn to flip switch: understand between introvert (development, sit in cube, collaborating when needed through web base, discussion board) & extrovert (functional, meeting to think out loud)
-meet both need: status with middle ground goal in mind, less frequency, short duration, clear agenda
-extrovert: limit report, assign social situation & smooching, more visual & vocal in participation, encourage to speak one on one & ask q's
-introvert: negotiate, feeling of heard & listen to, creating sense of trust, not easily distracted, or multi task, busy, productive limit chat
-push: excel outside comfort zone, share lime light, deal with change, appreciate humor
1-praise team as goal reach: celebrate indiv. contribution
-recognize self, take nee break to refresh & recharge
-update project
2-comm. clearly with member, ask q's, listen to concern, translate new direction
-initiate meeting with boss strengthen relationship
3-smile leads to humor & high emotion intelligent, more than all about work, more human, permission to lighten up from mistake, strengthen immune system
-celebrate b-day of member by bring break fast, toy, outing
-dispair.com
-301 ways to have fun @ work book
-managing up: wait & see, approach not good, lost opportunity
-research bkgnd comm. style & prior job meet, prepare case q's & talk pt., state purpose & need, listen, ask q's & build rapport, to the port or free flow
-state budget need & ask when can check back, smile, stick to time limit
-follow up, update staff on current, be persistent & timely
-regularly meeting with boss, solicit feedback on verbal & non verbal with coach, ask for what I need with other indiv. in organization
-politic with integrity: influence boss to achieve stronger partnership & achieve goal for self & people represent
-don't have to like or admire boss nor hate, but need to manage so become resource for achievement, accomplishment & personal success
-goal & how to fit in: strength & weakness, expectation on & how I can do to help me voice tone, facial expression, eye contact & smile, demonstrate patience
-no news is good news
-temperament & style, follow cue
-help boss know how to help you mentor through thorough preparation, personal development leads to learning or lose motivation, not contributing new skill, expose new area or diff. career
-strength can use, project to contribute skill & background
-learn new skill or gain new perspective
-knowledge, skill, experience valuable to learn, willing to teach or pro. to help
-develop presence: be yourself, pick low hanging fruit, no whining
1-responsible to adjust to boss's management & be yourself, solicit feedback: what is & not working, ask to be specific & ask specific q's
-be focus & clear about objective
-don't be kiss ass, be open & honest
-casual conversation, eat lunch with boss when appropriate
2-easy result in short term & doc. success
3-no whining, come with solution, not problem
-push: speak up, know when not to manage up, stay on top of change
-share update about plan
-give feedback positive & improvement their action affect, keep specific & focus on behavior
-situation, action, result/consequence (SAR)
-alternative action (AA)
-alternative result (AR)
-constructive change, not assigning blame
-micromanage: update, weekly email summary, high light up coming project
-know when not to manage up if manager feel threaten or organization in turmoil
-coach from people respect in how to handle manager
-learn from bad boss
-ethical violation, trust broken, frustrated & lose motivation
-other career option
-stay on top of change: learn boss's goal
-managing boss science & art, mutual goal met
-meeting: execution, step out & be confidence to let idea heard
-not credit for contribution, idea pre empt or hijack by other, be perceive as not add much value to group
-focus & result on meeting
-watching a few matches, taking lesson, take grasp of score
-size up opponent & develop strategy
-know purpose, have agenda, plan where to sit & stand
-why, goal, voice up no more than 5 min in room (comment, q's, paraphrase) practice in mirror
-sit a few seat away from leader meeting conference , call stand, initial chit chat
-presence: set ground rule, creative to involve member, separate brain storming from decision making
-ethic & cultural Asian: concern & group discussion, get idea, agree/disagree vote, end suggestion, 1 went well, 1 need improve
-participate with mouth & head, show respect: no side conversation & 1 at a time
-main pt, confidentiality, silent
-be on time
-put problem on top of sheet & ask for solution, pass around
-push self to speak up & engage other is to get best thing of everyone
-if someone not speaking for a while, say name & ask what they think, put q's for group 2 min on topic opinion, 2-3 on writing
-small group 4-6 to discuss problem & report back
-take the floor, getting heard despite resistant from talker
-tip for handle talker at meeting, don't smile or nodded head in agreement, flat expression
-don't shout out of frustration, discuss topic offline
-hold up a stop signal hand & say I would like to say something
-strong voice, I am speaking & would like to finish my thought
-prepare to comment with confidence look in eyes
-miss opportunity in meeting, look for them afterward
-picture you're value at meeting action move project forwarrd
-meet with team lead after & post ground rule
-right brain: creative, emotional
-left brain: logical process & thinking
-2 meeting extended break to separate brainstorm & decision
-response the next day
-technology friend/foe, get involve, take the floor
-introvert comfortable comm: email, instant msg, text, social network site
-prohibit lab top to meeting due to seem not to pay attention
-good if use to instant msg other member b4 response to boss, but may disengage & invisibility
-live presence, contribute comment
-interactive training project
-build relationship, net working, mutual exchange
-prepare purpose, what to offer, what needed, social network to set stage, defeat negative self talk
-forget networking, consider influencer, plan to sit with them
-keen observeer, listen & learn more about specific customer need
-prepare q's for social situation, need answer to important q's
-plan what to offer, mutual exchange, work, resource, info, experience, expertise
-speak of interest, offer best self
-plan what needed
-want to learn
-wall, avoid conflict, instead assertive comm, needed disclose, back/force problem solving affected them
-social network site is warm relationship follow up with invite
-prepare to ask q's what you likeabout job, talk about self, interest
-learn something new, not replace face to face
-replace negative self talk, self defeating, keep onside line
-don't know about ability until try
-uncomfortable with small talk, more comfortable by prepare q's ahead of time or research
-guilty, don't have, do other thing
-find way to overcome fear that incapacitate us in build relationship
-recharge batter b4 people oriented encounter
-endure networking one on one
-listen, engage in substance talks, learn & teach name, answer q's
-focus attention, hard to read & gruff outside, inside gentle
-sometimes misunderstood
-strong ability to listen & connect
-substance talk is mutual interest
-break ice is common ground other
-talk about them, weather, movie, sport
-learn & teach name, connect name & object
-I am...to...for example
-push, move out of typical role, volunteer to help
-act the part (as if confidence), start conversation with people at grocery store, schedule visit with customer when at location for another purpose, table top conversation start & cont.
-stay close to comfortable socializer & connect through their connection
-volunteer & learn
-practice, safe environment, web press current, put attention on other person & helping them
-blogging name & expertise in article express thought & interest
-win from use 4 p process, visualize, increase confidence, decrease anxiety, reflect on purpose, manage stress leads to fruitful conversation, take note, prep q's advantage & positive impression
-presence: manage stress & close perception gap leads to clear rational look at situation & take action, yoga, aware of tension, relax to decrease stress, clear head & focus when deal with work & other people
-how hold self affect how perceived awkward discomfort in own body not info impart
-push to be more engage
-opportunity is luck meet preparation
-find best mentor
-practice is decrease stress, perception gap, career de railer & invisibility
-lack social initiative
-never spoke, people thought slow
-slow thinker is thoughtful, reflective rather than procrastinator or indecisive
-good idea, need time to think, get back in morning or this afternoon
-coping is practice, learn & growth, wear coat (armor) invisible
-share heart, mind, potential with other, self & other benefit
-build on quiet strength
-prepare dialogue & research needed to build trust & commitment
-best time to approach boss
-issue, gripe, personal concern get in way of doing best, job re rail & understand challenge
-contribute idea & not remain silent
-persuade by learning & negotiating, build on listening & problem solving skill, push to engage
-credibility, frame for common ground, provide evidence & connect emotionally
-resilience during inevitable change
-on going personal & professional development, step out of ineffective behavior
-engagement & inspiration
-try too hard to change is shadow dark side understress leads to negative result, increase 4 p, more study leads to more confuse, anxious, second guess, leads to act the role of a sociable person, pretend to be confident, reframe anxious situation by imagining & act as if & behavior in out going manner, too on, asking too many q's, converse all about self, laughing too often or loudly, exhaust self & other try to connect
-skill practice, role play, problem solving
-excess push, emphasize weakness
-cont. press too hard leads to exhaustion & self defeat, believe never get it, give up, inauthentic
-setting where shine
-move to success, enter smiling, call people by name, congrat, intro people to each other, tell amusing antidote
-body language, non verbal, how perceived, slow deep breath, relax shoulder & put on genuine smile, eye contact, move on politely when break in conversation
-step out of comfortable & familia leads to increasing visibility & recognition
-potential job opportunity
-practice the answer to q's might be ask & write down list of conversation starter
-set specific goal: identify possible improvement area from quiz, 2-3 action take to improve, measure completion, source of support, completion date
-if you believe it, you can achieve it, commit to change
Dealing with difficult people
Difficult people
-plan approach
-be positive
-express feeling, don't bottle up, irritation, outrage, annoyance, hurt, avoid accusation, ask clarification
-invite other to express feeling
-open end q's about feeling & opinion
-dispute, hold off personal blame
-practice generosity & graciousness, treat enemy as friend, be wary but courteous
-ask opinion & help transform behavior
-keep them in perspective: minority
Boss
-don't take personal & tell how important in helping advance career
-send progress memo
-ask factual answer, own up decision
-refrain from return fire, remove self temporarily
-rumor: confront source, ask
-good acting skill
-be more proactive, stop problem before happen, adjust work habit
-if all else fail, get a new job
Dealing with different preceptors
What nursing student should know
Credit: NurseNarcole (youtube)
-type A aggressive: find out issue
-lazy: q's & procedure, plan of day, rate of pt.'s acuity, report (look for, hi lite, check), assessment (look for, auscultate or initial only), how to report, type of doc.
-busy: ask for help, goal & ask about goal, procedure (IV...)
- don't judge as a person, put everything else aside, focus on objective, be professional or talk to instructor to change preceptor
Win with people book note
How to Win Friends & Influence People by Dale Carnegie
-be healthy (physical and emotional)
-confident, warm, kind, stable, giving
-increase value by solving many problems leads to secure in self, recognition, acceptance
-may feel worthless, insignificant, never lose value as human being
-trigger temper, difficulty, setting boundary or take responsibility, bad habit, change attitude
-believe in value
-forget about insecurity, instead self improve
-practice 30 secs rule with conversation, encourage uplifting compliment, motivate, thanks, praise of personal quality or appearance, tell others of their accomplishments
-attention, affirmation, appreciation
-let people know you need them, give up or get help
-forget the prideful attitude of capable without help, ask who can help or input
-create memory & visit often, plan, set aside time, find a way to make something happen (show diary and photo, relieve talk)
-compliment people infront of other sincerely without hype
-give other a reputation to uphold, think the best & speak of other, back up with action, look pass their past, reputation for future
-say the right word at the right time
-leave unsaid the said the wrong thing at the tempting moment
-say it from the heart
-encourage dream of other, so that it will become a reality
-share, affirm, challenge, offer assistance, revisit dream, determine to boost it
-pass credit onto other
-check ego at the door
-don't wait
-offer the very best , max effort
-share a secret with someone
-mind the goal of good intention (benefit of the doubt)
-assume the best in others, check attitude
-see thing from other perspective
-appreciate of what other intend to do inspit of outcome, forgiveness as permanence attitude, forget about justice, focus on grace & forgiveness
-keep eyes off mirror & serve other with dignity, health & happiness
-do for other what they can't do for themselves: introduce, place, opportunity, share idea
-listen with your heart
-be the first to help
-be aware of other for help
-be willing to take risk
-add value to people, motivate, mutual advantage
-people want appreciation, not impress, human being not sounding board for other ego, end not toward gratification of another vanity
-make self more valuable: knowledge, skills, experience, increases ability to help other
-know what people value
-unclog ear (distraction, defensiveness, close mind, projection, assumption, pride)
-listen aggressively (pick up good idea)
-listen to understand
-find key to heart (family, business)
-accept that people are different
-dream, cry/pain, sing/joy (strength) value, temperament, act with integrity
-remember a person story
-look people in the eye, be attentive
-don't roll eye if not agree, don't interrupt, verify, remember
-share a good story: experience, goal of connecting, put heart into it (warm), assume other want to hear it
-give with no string attach (time, money, talent) abundant mentality
-remember people name, save
-point out people strength, self strength
-all player have a place where they most value
-look for best in other: force other to have good opinion on themselves, let other know you believe in them, speak up, encouragement, opportunity
-write not of encouragement
-what they like about other
-help people win: believe, hope, focus on process
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